Today, I went out of my plan. In the morning, I woke up, thinking that I had engagement with my friends to go to Bango festival. As I took a bath and got dressed, my friend informed me that all the bencongers couldn’t make it. A little bumped out at first, but I thought that it might be a perfect opportunity to sought out a ‘journey’ with myself. By the way, even though all the bencongers could go to Bango Festival, it was raining heavily so it should be canceled by nature, after all.
The first destination, Bag Lady’s house, to pay my debt and pick up the strap for my new bag. After that,I planned to spend my evening in Vin+ because the food was 50% off there during weekend. Then suddenly it occurred in my mind that I had to go to Cafe Amor. I didn’t know why but something in my mind told me that I had to go there. The Bag Lady kindly offered me to drive me there since Kemang’s near from her bag castle.
I stepped out of her car, cheek to cheek kissing goodbye and thank you, then I walked through the door. It was far from crowded, and I picked the most secluded table there. As soon I sat there, ordered a drink, and prepared a book to read, I heard the most annoying sound throughout the years: LOVE SONG. Yeay, lately I am not a big fan of love song because I think love song is ‘menye-menye’ (showing sign of weaknesses and sending message ‘hey I am ready to be a victim’) and promising something unattainable that make one frustrated throughout life.
Here’s the list that I could remember after forcing myself to open the memorabilia lane:
1. It Might Be You – Stephen Bishop (it used to be my favorite song and now ended up in my recycle bin)
2. I Hate You Then I Love You – Celine Dion & Luciano Pavarotti (hey I knew this song because one of my aunties played this track too often)
3. There You’ll Be – Faith Hill (I was once a victim of the pseudo-Pearl-Harbor-love war)
4. … (Hey, don’t push me further, this is the limit)
Why on earth that my mind told me to go to this place??? Curious with myself, I did make a pledge with myself that I would hold myself still in this Lovey-Dovey-Musicalita place for three hours and see what might happen. Why did I set on three hours? I guess because three is usually the number opportunities you get. Slap me once, I say nothing. Slap me twice, I smile outside and angry inside. Slap me for the third time, get ready for battle.
First hour, nothing happened. I tried to focus myself on my book and ignored the love songs. Silence for 15 minutes (no heart-deaf song), I was very relieved. Then they played the same tracks again and I tried to ignore it again. The next hour (second hour), a couple came, sat across my table, holding hands and hugging each other. To cut it short, they seemed happily in love. Of course, I made myself drawn to my reading. It’s none of my business, after all. However, I was still thinking, “hey, why on earth did my mind drag me to this place???”
Was I unconsciously seeking a potion for my sarcastic-pessimistic-disbeliever-in-eros self? Or simply I was a masochist that wanted to torcher myself? Cafe Amor, brought back memory when the golden mist enlightened the quarrel that seemed to have no end. He was busy with his cell and I was just being a Tim-Burton staring girl, trying to figure out what’s in his mind. There was no word between us at all but I just knew what had troubled him. This drew out my compassion that I no longer pursued our “irreconcilable differences” between us. Maybe, I just missed him. Perhaps, my mind was just trying to remind me that I should cherish our moment of togetherness, that I should remember the beauty of love. Even though our story might already be the past, the love still stays there. No matter what, nothing could replace ‘us’ in our heart.
It might be easier just to hate our love but doing so means denying myself. A friend once said to me that people should find the beauty of the love hurt, the pain, the longing. Maybe I should try to face my pain although I have to open the patches in my heart. However, meanwhile, just let me hate love songs for a little longer.