Lately I rarely have a smooth sailing sleep. I got sleepy around 3 AM and fell asleep around 4 AM. Initiate sleeping was a hard “errand” although sleeping should be relaxing. Then I woke up at 8 AM, was grumpy on all the morning commotion in my house, then by the power of miracle I fell to sleep right away and if not, I woke up, felt sleepy all day. This morning the miracle worked and I got up for real at 1 PM. What a day. I’m such a nocturnal being. I couldn’t do everything right at noon because I really got distracted by noises and overstimulated by TV and that sort of stuff that happened when people were actually walking and doing what they thought to be their work responsibility. I was such a loner deep inside my heart. The only time I think that hip hop house music and nightclub were cool and hip, is when I was sedated with glasses of vodka.
Getting upset because someone overstepped my boundary, but I’m just going to stay quiet, no details.
I caught up my reading today: The Dictionary of Khazar by Milorad Pavic. I heart that Serbian poet. He managed to write a novel that required ingenious mind for both the writer and the reader. I was challenged to place the puzzle altogether and to comprehend the darkness in the mystical world of Khazar. My right brain and left brain were stimulated to work together. In other words, I had to use my imagination and analysis skill just like a detective on the crime scene. I really liked what he wrote, particularly this passage: “When we read, it is not ours to absorb all that is written. Our thoughts are jealous and they constantly blank out the thoughts of others for there is not room enough in us for two scents at one time.” I thought it was a perfect hint to understand Khazar and al kind of books.
Also, I planned to finish my short story “Cari Surga” (Looking for Heaven). It was supposed to be the final part of the story. Because of that, I’m nervous. To put an end means to show readers my point of view on the conflicts in that story. The final ending, I’m worried that I might get booed, not from the readers but particularly myself. I’m always kinda hard on criticizing myself. As I’m ending this journal, I’m preparing myself to switch to my laptop and start typing. May The Bless will always be for all of us.