Monthly Archives: December 2009

My Top 15 Books

Fifteen books I’ve read that will always stick with me:

1. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
2. The Madman (Khalil Gibran)
3. Portrait of An Artist As A Young Man (James Joyce)
4. Negeri Senja (Seno Gumira Ajidarma)
5. Anak Bajang Menggiring Angin (Sindhunata)
6. Mahabharata (Nyoman S. Pendit)
7. Centhini (Elizabeth Inandiak)
8. Candrakirana (Ajip Rosidi)
9. Gairah untuk Hidup dan Mati (Nasjah Djamin)
10. Hujan Bulan Juni (Sapardi Djoko Damono)
11. Toto Chan: The Little Girl At The Window (Tetsuko Kuroyanagi)
12. The Valkyries (Paulo Coelho)
13. Around The World in 80 days (Jules Verne)
14. Trilogi Rara Mendut – Genduk Duku – Lusi Lindri (Y.B. Mangunwijaya)
15. The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy (Tim Burton)

#1, #5 were ‘gifts’ from a very precious person in the past
– #1 I treasured because it had changed my view of life: it was about life journey, encounter, wisdom, and the secret of universe
– #5, I swam deeper into his world when I read this. This book summed up his life.

#2 was my first Gibran’s book and I fell in love with his ‘wild’ thought yet centered around the truth, the beauty, and the madness of life.

#3, I could really relate myself with Stephen Dedalus (the main character). My mind wandered and really attracted to ‘suffering’ and ‘sadness, just like him. Also, I was mesmerized by the beauty of his words and how deep Joyce portrayed Dedalus’ struggle, compromising with the values of ‘right and wrong’ from the society and the wildness of his feeling and thought.

#4, #12, #13 I often found myself attracted to wanderers

#6, After watching Riri Riza’s “Drupadi”, I wanted to know more about Mahabharata epic so I bought this, but it turned out more than just a story. Up until now, I re-read this book several times and always try to contemplate based on the lesson of wisdom written there.

#7, #8;#14, basically I like reading tales, especially when the female character showed her strength, independence, and wit as a woman.

#9, contemplated thought, unresolved conflict, dilemma between what’s right and wrong in one of the most debatable topic in century: to stay alive facing shame and sadness or to die

#10, I felt his poems are very beautiful, simple, and down-to-earth. It’s what I need when I’m feeling dull or blue.

#11, because I miss my childhood, my innocence :p

#15, I like morbid stuff. That’s why I’m a dedicated great fan of Mr. Tim Burton :p

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Sprinkling Coincidences on My Cupcake

Claiming as the most rational being, we are always taught that if there’s a stimulus, we will get a response according to the law of logic, what usually happens and what’s not.

Sadly shaped by mere ‘custom’, we might lose some sight. We punish ourselves when we expect more, “are you out of your mind?” When we see ‘miracles’ with our own eyes, we instantly begin to doubt ourselves and go through some insanity check. When people say something that’s beyond what’s written in the society, we object them. Saying that it’s impossible and that person must be crazy. Of course, we can’t escape the possibility that he/she might be lying. However can we also trust our judgment hastily? These are conflict that we always pose when we were given some out-of-the-box proposition. Indeed, life has its own way to ‘inflict’ this on us, called coincidence.

When something happened to me and it’s out of my calculation, I began to fear. Losing control was scary for me. Thus, so was coincidence. What has happened? Where this might lead? Those were questions that I posed to myself whenever something was colliding with the law of logic.

However, I forgot that I didn’t live alone. I didn’t exile myself in the black hole. I was living with others. We shared our lives, our stories, our thought. When we meet someone, some friends on our way without us planning for it, there must be some kind of invisible string that link us up. Probably when I accidentally leave my keys in my friend’s house and I have to go back to her house to fetch it, I might find my friends needing my help.

With this invisible string, we might transfer our feelings and thoughts unconsciously. If we are happy, other people may share our happiness even though we don’t exactly tell people about what we feel. If we exhale positivity, others might inhale it. When we put negativity upfront, unconsciously it might drive negativity in others as well. It’s infectious. This entanglement may contribute to what kind of coincidence that will happen. Is it a good one, a bad one? A fortunate one? Unfortunate one?

We do not have an exact formula to determine that. However we have one element that might help us clearing our vision a little.

Just like what Anon said,

A positive attitude sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.*

Thus, when we experience coincidences, rather than getting worked up with anxiety, we can embrace it as one of the miracle in our lives. I often judged some “accident” as unfortunate event and it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

* Get your daily dose of ‘miracle’ here

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Letter to Santa Claus (… in case Santa Claus actually exists)

Dear Santa…

I know I’m not that well-behaved but I do have a list of wishes.

Here’s the bargain.
If my wishes come true, I might believe that you probably exist.
Quite fair, right?

Here goes my wishlist…

1. Taking picture with Nicholas Saputra, chatting, or if possible, befriend with him.
I want to tell him, “stay true to yourself, we will always love you.”
If Nicholas Saputra is not available, Johnny Depp or Robert Downey Jr. will do. If both are not present, well.. Jonathan Rhys Meyers then.

2. Producing a documentary film, “Chasing Nicholas Saputra” where my bestfriend (Inayah Agustin) will play the role as groupie. (See I’m not that selfish!)

3. Teleportation (just like Star Trek), I want to travel across planets and maybe I’ll find a tribe like Navi there.

If none of the above is possible, well I just have to KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid!)

… Be able to fly so I won’t get stuck in traffic jam.

Lotsa wishes and hopefully love,


On behalf of Santa (he’s on vacation, apparently), I’d like to say Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
May fruitfulness and blessing be with you always

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menatap terbit matahari seraya menyambut cinta yang bersemi kembali di ufuk reinkarnasi waktu

setarik nafas perjumpaan kutulis untukmu dalam selarik puisi mengabadikan mekar kuntum mawar di kedua bola matamu

dan jari teratai sukma menggelitik hati kita
“akankah kita menyentuh wajah Tuhan hari ini?”

image, courtesy of

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sebuah syair untuk hujan

langit bergemuruh
melukis langit yang rapuh
senyap menatap garis horizon
perlahan lenyap ditelan gelap

aku berjalan mematut ragu
melangkah mundur mencari jejak kenangan
potret cinta di senja takdir
bersyair tentang pertemuan dan perjalanan

kau aku mekarkan bunga di tengah prahara
memainkan indah melodi rasa di padang rindu dan perjumpaan
mengusah peluh getar sukma
memaknai kisah di lanskap memori
tentang cinta yang membakar batas diri
merdekakan perangkap jeruji tubuh

satu cipta
satu hakikat
satu makna
satu jiwa
satu hati

ah, hujan! betapa indah kau memainkan melodi rasa
lihatlah berjuta manusia tergila-gila padamu
menulis sebuah larik untukmu
memintamu untuk terus sirami hati kami
agar harapan tak pernah pergi
dan kami pun pulang kembali

… sisi Tuhan berbisik pada kami
agar kami menyanyi dan menari
menyuarakan dan membawa bahagia padamu
pada tiap titik nadi, suara, sudut bumi, langit, dan udara

hujan, apakah kau dengar kami?
kami bangun sebuah kastil untukmu
dalam hati dan kenangan
agar engkau pun dapat pulang kembali
kala engkau lelah dan ingin menulis puisi
tentang bagaimana cinta telah memutar prahara
jadikannya indah
secitra Sang Pencipta

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lagu perjalanan

hujan mengalir, mengisi retak bejana hati
dunia berputar, mendendangkan lagu untuk semesta
cinta menjawab, Tuhan memanggil
laku menghirup sukma, tersurat di udara yang menangis

kemudian manusia berdoa, malaikat berjaga
menunggu janji bahagia di padang surgawi

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“You Deserve to Be Loved”

Selama ini, semenjak kita masih kecil, masyarakat mengajarkan bahwa…

Sebagai perempuan, mungkin kita untuk diharuskan untuk belajar menata rumah, berbicara yang halus, berkarier di bidang yang tidak menghabiskan banyak waktu di luar rumah, tidak boleh pulang malam, jangan terlalu sering bergaul dengan laki-laki (supaya tidak disangka murahan), jangan terlalu sering mengkritik, jangan tertawa lebar-lebar, jangan potong rambut terlalu pendek, jangan terlalu sering berjemur supaya kulit tidak hitam, berdandan dan diet supaya laku, bisa menikah, punya anak, dan sebagainya.

Laki-laki mungkin diprogram untuk tidak boleh menangis, bekerja di perusahaan ternama, punya banyak uang, mencari istri, punya anak, dan sebagainya.

Selama ini masyarakat kita mengajarkan segala sesuatu supaya kita bisa diterima menjadi bagian dari mereka. Kebebasan ekspresi dibatasi sepatutnya, sepantasnya, sewajarnya, sesuai aturan. “Be anything but what you are.” Seolah-olah cinta itu bersyarat, dan kita harus berusaha keras agar dapat dicintai. Padahal kita diciptakan Tuhan karena cinta, dan mengapakah kita menghargakan cinta?

Kalau begitu, apakah naif jika saya menyimpulkan dan ingin percaya bahwa setiap orang pantas dicintai dengan segala kekurangan dan kelebihannya, dengan segala laku dan rasanya?

Ketika kita jatuh cinta, terkadang kita takut kehilangan diri. Namun apakah kehilangan diri itu?

Jangan-jangan kita takut kehilangan kontrol diri kita sehingga ketika kita dihadapkan pada serangkaian ‘fit and proper test’, kita dinyatakan melanggar ‘syarat-syarat untuk dicintai’.

Apakah kita tidak rindu melepaskan diri dari serangkaian aturan tersebut, bebas merengkuh diri dan nyata bahwa kita pantas dicintai, berhak untuk menjalani hidup kita, dan bukan hidup orang lain yang dipaksakan untuk kita?

I think, that’s the beauty of love: letting you out of control, to live life. Therefore, put a stop to this society madness, see love, feel love, embrace it, caress it, because you deserve to be loved.

image, courtesy of

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Live Life in Love

When I fall in love, I fear of losing myself, but that’s the beauty of love, letting you out of control, to live life.

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I Will Possess Your Heart

Title: I Will Possess Your Heart
Artist: Death Cab for Cutie
Album: Narrow Stairs

Ingenious music with psychedelic touch, hypnotizing yet bringing you to an 8-minutes world that you wish you never have to leave. Guys, because of this song, I forgive you for jumping into “Twilight” Cullen-mania zone. I may not meet you on the Equinox, but you possess my heart.

Lyrics (courtesy of

How I wish you could see the potential,
the potential of you and me.
It’s like a book elegantly bound but,
in a language that you can’t read.
Just yet.

You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find, love
I will possess your heart.
You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find, love
I will possess your heart.

There are days when outside your window
I see my reflection as I slowly pass,
and I long for this mirrored perspective
when we’ll be lovers, lovers at last.

You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find, love
I will possess your heart.
You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find, love
I will possess your heart.
I will possess your heart.
I will possess your heart.

You reject my… advances… and desperate pleas…
I won’t let you… let me down… so easily.
So easily.

You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find, love
I will possess your heart.
You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find, love
I will possess your heart.
You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you’ll find, love
I will possess your heart.
I will possess your heart.
I will possess your heart.

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tentang kejujuran sejati

“Kejujuran sejati ada dalam pengalaman, bukan hipotesa”

Pemikiran yang muncul tiba-tiba ketika malam menjemput dan bulan mengundangku masuk ke biliknya.

Kupikir mungkin malaikat penjagaku berbisik dan ingin aku memahami makna kejujuran sejati, setelah aku menyaksikan kata yang saling beradu dalam bentuk sangkaan, dan perasaan yang terluka karenanya.

Saat ini belumlah aku sanggup mengurai makna, namun aku ingin berbagi agar tercipta sebuah diskusi batin:

mencuri malam,
menyentuh langit,
berbisik pada bumi,
menghibur udara,
menjejak aliran air,
mengukur api yang terkubur

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